Top 5 ways to not be a jerk on St. Paddy’s Day

Yes it’s that time of year again. St. Patrick’s Day is upon us and here on the U.S. side of the puddle, it can quickly become a trash fire of epic proportions. This year I’ve decided to improve the easy list I started a few years ago so that we can hand it out to our beer hat-wearing, cheap leprechaun-looking, fake Irish-dancing friends in order to keep them (and us) from acting the fool. Here’s five simple DON’Ts that will make the Wearing of the Green safer and more palatable for everyone, no matter where you live or where you’re from. So in case you missed it the first time around – here we go!

1. Don’t pinch people. It’s rather hard to believe in the age of the #MeToo and #TimesUp campaigns that anyone still has to be told that aggressively grabbing, touching, or pinching strangers is wrong. However, just in case you thought that rule didn’t apply on St. Patrick’s Day let me remind you that it is still wrong to pinch any part of anyone for any reason without their permission. It will always be wrong to to touch or pinch people in any way without their consent, so keep your little pinchy urges and tiny crab claw fingers to yourself and just say no. Everyone, male or female, with thank you for it.

2.  DO. NOT. ORDER. AN. IRISH. CAR. BOMB. Seriously folks, I don’t know how many times I have to say this to people. Nothing personifies ignorance, caricature, and casual cruelty better than walking into an Irish pub and ordering up an Irish Car Bomb. This horrifically named cocktail is American-made and designed to get you very drunk very quickly. It is highly effective but it’s also named after a weapon that has been used to kill and maim literally THOUSANDS of people in the country it’s named after. No one who grew up in Ireland (or knows its history and/or has a deep love for it) can tolerate the obnoxious name for this drink and for many Irish people, it brings up trauma and terrible memories. It is not funny, not appropriate, and not cool for you or your friends to sell or order any drink by that name, and it could get you kicked out of your favorite Irish pub or it could just get you kicked in the face.

That being said, Irish Whiskey, Irish Cream, and Guinness are all very tasty treats. You can order and pay for a glass of each, mix the ingredients yourself, and try a delightful, super-intoxicating elixir. You could make up a new drink special just by calling it something else (it’s also been referred to as the ‘Holy Trinity’ and ‘the Ulster Flip’) or you can just refuse to serve or drink it at all and many Irish people and Irish history fans would thank you for it. You have to be on quite a mission already to give it a whirl but that doesn’t mean you have to be an ignorant douche when you order it at the bar.

3. Don’t misspell the name of the day. If you’re hunting for Irish-themed decor or clothing, choosing a hashtag, or you have some other reason to shorten the name of this holiday, please remember that the correct spelling is P-A-D-D-Y. It’s not St. Patty’s. There are no Ts in the Irish spelling of Padraig, nor any Ts in the abbreviated and shortened version of it. A good friend of mine once said “I always remember to stick with the Double Ds.” We were talking about his taste in women at that time, but the rule applies here just as well. Which brings us to another important rule.

4. Don’t buy into stereotyping or bigotry. If you want to celebrate St. Paddy’s Day good on you but you don’t have to propagate the stereotypes to do it. Pass on anything that conveys the message that Irish people are drunks, fighters, leprechauns, or idiots. Find something that celebrates Ireland’s rich culture instead of something that mocks it. The Irish have fought against these stereotypes for years and buying a T-Shirt that propagates them may seem harmless but it isn’t. The only way companies will ever offer a wider, more celebratory variety of St. Paddy’s Day swag is if their customers quit buying awful, bigoted costumes. Pass on the ‘Kiss me I’m Irish’ stuff too unless you are actively consenting to anyone doing just that. (See #1)

Don’t insult Ireland’s culture while you claim to be celebrating it.

One more thing along this line – when you’re using your outside voice, please realize that no one says “Top o’ the morning” or “Give me my lucky charms” ever and that fake accents of any kind are obnoxious, whether you’re drinking or not. Just keep that lilt in check.

5. Know your history. In IrelandSaint Patrick (Padraig) is celebrated for “driving the snakes out of Ireland” which is a metaphor for bringing Christianity to the island and systematically erasing its pagan roots. This is a Catholic holiday and how we celebrate it is decidedly NOT. Incidentally, this is also why the color code of the day is green, which is traditionally associated with the Catholic faith in Ireland. You shouldn’t have to wear it on St. Patrick’s Day if you’re not a Catholic but trying to explain that to a million and one drunken Grabby McPinchersons in the room, can be exhausting. (See #1.)

Now I am all for transforming the holiday from a religious one to a party and cultural celebration. I’ve no love for the Catholic religion. I personally support the ‘Bring the Snakes Back’ movement but stepping all over anyone’s culture is always messed up and should be avoided whenever possible. It’s easy to ignore the religious origin of St. Patrick’s Day when terrible T-shirts, sparkly shamrocks, green beer, and offensively named drinks are the norm but it is still a quiet, religious day for many. After all, St. Patrick’s Day is smack dab in the middle of Lent, which is a period of time when many Catholics give up things like alcohol and parties. There are plenty of traditional and religious folk in Ireland who rail against the parades and parties that have become decidedly more “Americanized” and secular in various parts of the country. Keep that tidbit particularly in mind if you ever decide to spend the holiday in rural Ireland. In the meantime, it’s always good to know where any holiday begins before celebrating (or reclaiming) it.

And there you have it. Five things you shouldn’t do this year or any other for that matter. Have fun, get wasted, dye your hair green, take the green Mardi-Gras beads out of the closet, go to mass, party all day and all night, sing some rebel songs or do whatever else you were planning to do – just try not to be a complete asshole when you’re doing it. Be sure to think ahead and plan a way home so you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else. Have a blast and remember one simple thing – treating other people and other cultures better every single day makes the world a better place.

Now then. Where’d I put my glittery green lipstick?

Sláinte.

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Bridget Brede Connolly

Bridget “Brede” Connolly was one of the many women who took part in Ireland’s Easter Rising of 1916. She navigated through the streets of Dublin ferrying communications between James Connolly in the General Post Office and Ned Daly, in Church Street. Brede didn’t have that far to go as the crow flies but she had to make it through some of the fiercest fighting of the insurrection to deliver these messages and she did it time and time again.

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A Constitution is Born

On December 29, 1937, a new Ireland emerged, under a new Constitution. Eamon De Valera drafted a new Constitution that came into its own on this day seventy-eight years ago and the island was known thereafter as Eire or Ireland, as it remains to this day.

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Walking tour – Revolutionary Women

The good folk at the Sinn Fein shop in Dublin have an amazing walking tour that they offer, that they call the Rebel Tour. I highly recommend it for people who are interested in Irish history – and even people who know a lot about it already are guaranteed to learn something new on the walk. ( The Rebel Tour )

That being said, I would do almost anything to be able to fly over the puddle and meet Dr. Mary McAuliffe this weekend for her own walking tour. Her tour is based on the revolutionary women who helped shape Ireland’s history – but who are often times reduced to a footnote in it. This is an insult that must be addressed in all the history books of all nations, but this year Ireland is doing a lot to remedy it. Perhaps it is due to the hundred year anniversary of Cumann Na mBan and the renewed interested in the female rebels, or maybe it is just because it’s time to acknowledge the women warriors. Either way, things like this walking tour make me very happy and I hope both men and women get involved in it. I am very sad that I am too far away to experience it.

If you aren’t, please join this tour on Sunday – and report back to the rest of us who cannot.

Rebel Women Walking Tour

As we come to the end of the anniversaries for the execution dates in 1916, I have to stop and ponder the logic of the British government throughout history. The Rising was not popular and it was rife with miscommunication and leadership wars. If the government had not executed the leaders, making them martyrs, it may have been a footnote in history. They have made this mistake time and time again, almost as if they either WANT to concede their empire or as if they want the struggle to continue.

Whenever the people get sick of the fighting and membership of Republican fighters is down, they do something so wrong and so tyrannical that suddenly, there’s a giant surge in the ranks. This happened in 1916. It happened in Derry when the Army shot 26 peaceful protesters. It happened again when Bobby Sands and the other hunger strikers lost their fight and died in prison. Depending on how the dust settles, it may happen again in the aftermath of Gerry Adam’s arrest just weeks before elections. You would think that SOMEONE over the puddle would be more strategic and learn from their historical mistakes.

One of their biggest mistakes, was letting Grace Gifford and Joseph Plunkett get married the night before they executed him in 1916 at Kilmainham. It is a tragic love story of star crossed lovers – one that tugs on the heartstrings of anyone and everyone, even those who didn’t approve of the Rising. They were married in the prison chapel and were only allowed ten minutes of supervised time as husband and wife before the crown shot Joseph Plunkett the morning after the wedding. They were taunted and watched for the entire 10 minutes and yet, by all accounts, they only had eyes and ears for each other. 10 minutes of bittersweet joy before their love was destroyed – and as Shakespeare can attest to – that makes for an undying, sympathetic story that the whole world can stand behind, rebel or not.

Grace was a strong woman. She was the daughter of a mixed marriage (Catholic and Protestant) and was an unlikely rebel. She tried to make a living as an illustrator and a political cartoonist. She was to be married to Joseph Plunkett on Easter Sunday – plans that were made before she had any knowledge of the Rising. She insisted on the wedding in the prison chapel when she learned that her fiance was to be executed on May 4th, 1916. On May 3rd, she bought her own wedding ring and went to the jail to marry her love, despite her parents’ objections, knowing that she was to be a widow just hours later. She never remarried and remained Grace Gifford Plunkett for the rest of her days – a shining example of a dedicated Republican woman and a walking reminder of her tragic love story. She was known as Ireland’s tragic bride and she returned to Kilmainham Gaol as a prisoner years later.

Plunkett was a poet and a signatory on the Proclamation of Independence. Already a romantic and philosophical man, his wedding to Grace and their story of tragedy and dedication made their love a flash point of the rising that continued to burn after he was executed. Their 98th anniversary was just days ago.

Kilmainham has reopened as a museum and a tourist location. One of the first places you will visit there is the prison chapel where they were married. A projector displays their photos above the altar at the start of the tour and you will also see both of their cells while visiting. Hers still has one of her more famous paintings on the back wall – one of Mary, showing that her adoption of Joseph’s Catholic faith stuck even after her husband was killed.

On the 3rd floor of the Gaol is an unnerving and heartbreaking exhibition of ‘Last Words’ – featuring the letters, mementos, and other possessions of Republican prisoners and rebel leaders. The letters from the prison to Grace are almost as gut-wrenching as the correspondence between her and her future husband in the days leading up to their wedding and his death. It is impossible to stand in the room without feeling the power of their story and the shadow of their love that remains. It was also impossible for me to be there without tears streaming down my face for almost the entire tour.

So happy anniversary to Grace and Joseph. If there’s any justice in the world, they found each other again in their version of the afterlife and maybe someday soon, the free Ireland they both believed in will finally come to fruition.

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The Star-Crossed Lovers of 1916